The X-Files - 2.

writer: Darin Morgan

director: Kim Manners

STARRING:

David Duchovny as Special Agent Fox Mulder

Gillian Anderson as Special Agent Dana Scully

Guest Cast:

Mr. Nutt ....................... Michael Anderson

Curator ........................ Alex Diakun

The Conundrum .................. The Enigma

Sheriff Hamilton ............... Wayne Grace

Jerald Glazebrook .............. John Payne

Dr. Blockhead aka Jeffrey Swaim ..... Jim Rose

Lenny .......................... Vincent Schiavelli

Waiter ......................... Debis Simpson

Glazebrook (older) ............. Blair Slater

Hepcat Helm .................... George Tipple

Glazebrook (younger) ........... Devin Walker

THE MURDER OF A SIDESHOW PERFORMER LEADS MULDER AND SCULLY INTO THE SURREAL WORLD OF CIRCUS FREAKS, WHERE THEIR SEARCH FOR A KILLER TAKES SOME BIZARRE TURNS INTO AN ALTERNATE REALITY.

The Alligator Man, a circus performer afflicted with a rare skin disease, is the latest victim in a series of inexplicable attacks that have ranged over the entire country in the past few years. When Mulder and Scully arrive to investigate, however, they find an entire town full of circus performers and carnival freaks. Unraveling the mystery takes them to the limits of the bizarre and the surrealistic, as they must chase a killer through a community of freaks. Black humor abounds as the solution to the mystery --and the fate of the killer -- stuns even the unflappable X-Files team.

This episode originally aired 3/31/95 - the day before April Fool's Day.

The trailer park is named Gulf Breeze, a place known as a hotbed for UFO sightings.

Jim Rose, the man playing Dr. Blockhead in this ep, is world famous for his travelling "world of freaks" and The Enigma is one of his featured acts. Those ARE real crickets he chomps on!

Personal notes: All hail the mighty pen of Darin Morgan! I'm one of those suckers born every minute that Barnum refers to, and I'm a sucker for Darin's work. A truly classic episode with wonderful humor, hence the large amount of quotes. I could have printed out the whole script, it's that good. And there are plenty of gruesome effects to keep the fans happy, the best being Leonard of course. Great scene where Lenny comes to Scully's trailor. They're both in bathrobes, he looks at her exposed cleavage, she looks at his stomach growth, then both cover themselves.

The scene where Scully is invited by the museum curator to see something wonderful is again based on PT Barnum. He was well-known for doing the same thing. Saying "tell no soul what you witness here", leading people into a room with an empty box. When the box was opened, the exit door was triggered, exactly the same as Scully's scene.

Jerry's kid: (to his Dad, the Alligator Man) "Did ya see a lot of weird stuff this year?"

Jerry: "Yep, it was the weirdest show ever."

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Mulder: (referring to photo of corpse) "This shows the entry wounds of the undetermined weapon. There were no other injuries inflicted upon the body, no internal organs were removed and/or cannibalized, and there's no signs of any sexual molestation, either."

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Scully: "Imagine going through your whole life looking like this?"

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Eulogist: "...for although Jerry was a world-renowned escape artist, there is one strongbox from which none of us can escape..." (coffin begins to shake violently, as if Jerry's about to make an escape, Dr. Blockhead climbs out of grave)

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Dr B.: "...But as an admirer of the man's work, I am in a position to perform an impromptu tribute in his honor! Namely, ramming this spike INTO MY CHEST!"

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Mulder: (to Scully) "I can't wait for the wake."

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Sheriff: "...on the inside, they're as normal as anybody."

Scully: "Until their arrest, many serial killers are considered by their friends and family to be quite normal. If you truly regard these people as normal, then you must also consider the possibility that they are capable of committing these crimes."

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Helm: "Who are the rubes?" (nodding towards Mulder and Scully)

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Helm: "..it's not a funhouse, it's a tabernacle of terror."

Sheriff: "It's a funhouse."

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Sheriff Hamilton: "You don't mean to tell me you think these tracks were made by the Fiji Mermaid?!"

Scully: "Do you recall what Barnum said about suckers? " (nods towards Mulder)

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Mulder: "Tell me, have you done much circus work in your life?"

Mr Nutt: "And what makes you think I've ever spectated a circus? Much less been enslaved by one?"

Mulder: "I know that many of the citizens here are former circus hands, and I just thought that..."

Mr Nutt: "You thought that because I am a person of short stature, that the only career I could procure for myself would be one confined to the so-called 'Big Top'. You took one quick look at me, and decided that you could deduce my entire life. Never did it occur to you that a person of my height could have possibly obtained a degree in Hotel Management."

Mulder: "I'm sorry. I meant no offense."

Mr Nutt: "Well then why should I take offense? Just because it's human nature to make instantaneous judgements of others based solely upon their physical appearances? Why I've done the same thing to you, for example. I've taken in your all- American features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded that you work for the government; an FBI agent... but do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly reduced you to a stereotype. A caricature, instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual."

Mulder: "But I am an FBI agent." (pulls out badge)

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Lenny: "Mr. Nut, the kind-hearted manager here, convinced me that to make a living by publicly displaying my deformity lacked dignity. So... now I carry other people's luggage. I believe these are your trailers; if they are not... then I am wrong."

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Lenny: "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. (staggers down the road, realizes what he said and comes back) No, no, that's...that's not what I meant.. I... I didn't mean to imply that we had bedbugs... I... I meant to say don't let... don't let the..."

Mulder: "The Fiji mermaids bite."

Bellman: "Yes, that's right... the Fiji Mermaids..."

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Dr. B.: "How many people do you know who can get out of a straightjacket in under three minutes?"

Scully: "Fortunately, none."

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(Dr Blockhead has hammered a nail up his nose)

Mulder: "Have you ever performed this... act on anyone else?"

Dr B: "What, are you sick? I tell my audiences that if they're stupid enough to try this on themselves they'll end up with a slight lobotomy. I am a professional."

Mulder: "Exactly how does one become a professional Blockhead? May I?" (pulls out the nail)

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Dr. B: "Did you know that through the protective Chinese art of tu bwan you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?"

Mulder: "Oh, I'm doing that as we speak."

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(The Conundrum pops out of the cauldron)

Mulder: "I saw him this morning by the river. He was eating a fish."

Dr. B: "He knows between show snacks will ruin his appetite."

Mulder: "I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed jigsaw-puzzle tattooed naked guy I saw."

Scully: "Is this man also a body manipulator?"

Dr B: "No, in the classical sense The Conundrum is a geek."

Mulder: "He eats live animals..."

Dr B: "He eats anything: live animals, dead animals, rocks, light bulbs, corkscrews, battery cables, cranberries..."

Scully: "Human flesh?"

Dr B: "Only The Conundrum can answer that question. But, he doesn't answer questions, he merely poses them. When an audience partakes in The Conundrum's human piranha act, they are left to ask themselves... (feeds Conundrum a fist full of live crickets) .....why? But, where are my manners?" (offers Scully a cricket-filled jar)

Scully: (takes one) "Thank you." (eats cricket, smiles at Mulder then walks away. Mulder looks shocked, refuses the crickets)

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(Scully pulls cricket she "ate" from behind Mulder's ear)

Scully: "It's an old sleight of hand my uncle taught me. He was only an amateur magician but he was still better than those two."

Mulder: "Well I'm going over to the lab to see if they can test the blood on the window against the blood on Dr. Blockhead's nail. (produces nail from mid-air) Everybody's uncle's an amateur magician."

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(regarding siamese twins joined together, one died, the other died hours later)

Curator: "At the autopsy it was officially concluded that Chang died of a cerebral hemorrhage."

Scully: "And what was the official cause of Eng's death?"

Curator: "Fright."

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(after Mulder finds Mr Nutt crawling under Scully's trailer)

Mr Nutt: "I know what you're thinking my friend, but you're grossly mistaken...Just because I'm not of so-called average height does not mean I must receive my thrills vicariously. Not all women are attracted to overly tall, lanky men such as yourself. You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring."

Mulder: "You'd be surprised how many men do as well."

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(Mulder and Scully are digging up object buried by sheriff)

Mulder: (pauses from his digging) "Scully, hypertrichosis does not connote lycanthrophy."

Scully: "What are you implying?"

Mulder: "We're being highly discriminatory here. Just because a man was once afflicted with excessive hairyness, we've no reason to suspect him of aberrant behavior."

Scully: "It's like assuming guilt based solely on skin color, isn't it?"

(they look embarrassed, but keep digging)

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(Mulder and Scully are caught digging in Sheriff Hamilton's back yard)

Sheriff Hamilton: "May I ask what you're doing?"

Mulder: "We're exhuming...(uncovers buried object)....your potato."

Scully: (gives long explanation about serial killers posing as police officers)

Mulder: "We found out you used to be Dog-faced boy." (gives pamphlet to Sheriff)

Sheriff: "Boy, look how skinny I was back then."

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Sheriff: "...I spent the first half of my life as Jim Jim. Then one morning I noticed a bald spot on top of my head and realized I wasn't only losing my hair but my career as well. Eventually all the hair went, on top my head anyways. The rest of my body's still pretty hairy, which is... why I never go to the beach."

Scully: "That doesn't quite explain the potato."

Sheriff: "I got... ah, some warts on my hand."

Mulder: "That doesn't quite explain the potato."

Sheriff: "To get rid of warts, you... rub a sliced potato on your hand and bury it under a full moon. Investigation isn't going too well, is it?" (Mulder tosses potato back into hole)

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Mr Nutt: "So tell me, Commodore? Why are the weirdos the only ones that pay their rent checks in advance?"

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Scully: "You know, Mulder. For a while there I was beginning to suspect this case involved something a bit more... uhm..."

Mulder: "Freakish? You really shouldn't complain about banality Scully, when your main suspect is the human Blockhead..."

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(Dr. B. has fishing lines attached to his body, a spiritual journey of some sort)

Dr B: "If people knew the true price of spirituality, there'd be more atheists."

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Dr. B: "I don't answer any questions until I talk to my lawyer."

Mulder: "Who's your lawyer?"

Dr. B: "I represent myself."

Scully: "Sir, if you're going to be uncooperative, I'll have to handcuff you."

Dr B: "What gives you fascists the right to do that?"

Scully: "Did I not mention we're federal agents?"

Dr B: "Did I not mention that I'm an escape artist?" (Dr B. breaks free, pushes Mulder down and goes out the door, Mulder falls onto bed of nails)

Scully: "Mulder, are you okay?"

Mulder: "It's more comfortable than a futon..."

Sheriff: "Hey, look what I caught!" (has Block by his fishing lines, tugs at them)

Dr B: "Ouch!"

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Dr B: "So..., your twin can, uh (makes 'exiting' motion) and then...? (makes 'entering' motion)

[Lenny nods] What an act!"

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Sheriff: "Now you're sure it was the twin running around here? Now maybe it was the Fiji Mermaid, he jumped back in the river and swum his way back to Fiji..."

Mulder: (to Scully) "Now you know how I feel."

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(during Dr. Blockhead's rant about the banality of the future due to genetic engineering)

Dr B: "...You see, I've seen the future, and the future looks just like him...[points to Mulder, who is in a classic GQ pose] Imagine, going through your whole life looking like that. That's why it's left up to the self-made freaks like me 'n The Conundrum to remind people..."

Scully: "Remind people of what?"

Dr B: "Nature abhors normality. It can't go very long without creating a mutant."

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Mulder: "What's the matter with your friend?"

Dr B: "I don't know what his problem is. Maybe it's the Florida heat?"

Scully: "Hope it's nothing serious."

Conundrum: "Probably something I ate."